If you love your partner – don’t sneer or cross your arms when he or she speaks.

At the American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in Seattle last week, John Gottman, a clinical psychologist from the University of Washington in Seattle presented a formula which he and his fellow researchers say allows counsellors to forecast with a 94% success rate which married couples will stay together and which bare likely to part. 

One of the key indicators seems to be if the couple approach relationships similarly:  if both routinely avoid conflict, or both are volatile, or both respect the others’ views the likelihood of a stabile marriage is high.  Mix these groups and the likelihood sinks.

The study found  these criteria when the couple engaged in conversation dealing with contentious topics:

In a strong relationship:

• Active listening
• Evidence of humour or laughter
• Fair-minded approach

Where the relationship was headed for trouble:

• Contempt, as shown by sneering or an upturned face
• Stonewalling, shown by crossed legs or arms or other demonstrations of anger
• Escalation, shown by rapid increase of emotion, including a heartbeat in excess of 100 beats per minute.

To see more check out:

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Jan. 2004